Life's like that

Time flies, 2006 is nearing its end, really wonder where it went. So fast another year gone liao. Just seems like yesterday was 2004...suddenly 2007 already...aiyo! Didn't think 2006 would be very different from 2005, but it is/was. For one, 2002-2004 was just a blink. Didn't realise I was wasting my time..pretty much sleeping through time. 2005 was torture...post everyone under the sun getting married, having kids and moving on with their lives...while I was busy delusionally stuck in a bad relationship going no where and getting there fast. I wasn't happy, plus having to sit through yet another wedding dinner, with a pregnant friend telling you all bout morning sickness and asking the ultimate ouch question when you are single..... "When is it your turn" hurt quite a bit. As was being asked at another dinner " How come you don't have a boyfriend one?" I should have retorted "How come you are married, with a kid you never see, divorced and seeing yet another loser?" Which was what said "B**** was doing.

Many months of stress, heartache, pain and a nervous breakdown later I finally came to my senses. I told myself "Shit man...life isn't supposed to be like this. It really isn't supposed to feel so dark and lonely. I really should not have all these thoughts of sleeping and never waking up...there is just too much I'm missing out on. So what if I'm single, and have no plans to join EVERYONE else on the wedding wagon? So What if EVERYONE thinks its a race to wed and procreate? So What???!!! I should live my life my way , happily! " And I woke up.

There really was a point in my life when I thought life just wasn't worth the trouble. Thankfully I have wonderful friends and family who have a knack of showing up, when I need them the most, when it counts the most. Like the young doctor who caught me when I fell, literally, the stress taking its toll and my head decided to shut down...so down I went onto the floor, taking the shoe rack with me, completely passing out. Or BF, always knowing the right time to call, to check up on me, make sure I'm ok. I really should call him more often. BFC is right, I haven't been keeping in touch.

And so I began 2006 with a new resolution made in September 2005..I'm not going to live as a sad pathetic little girl anymore. In September 2005, I took charge of my life...I walked out of a useless boy, I made career decisions for my future and I started living again.

By February 2006, I had decided to have a bit more fun...the whole pressure of settling down long thrown out the window. Heck...if I'm gonna be single, I might as well enjoy it, right? Changed gyms, changed outlook and had more fun. It was fun alright, while it lasted, having the freedom to go out with whomever I wanted, whenever I wanted, doing nothing at home, chilling solo,and of course going to the gym, working my arse and frustrations off. But everything comes to an end, no? Well, my absolute freedom did anyway. And with it a bit of my emptiness too.

I'd like to think that fate had a hand in what happened that May. Remember I changed gyms? I went from a gym in the very building I work in to one that takes at least a half hour on a good day through traffic to get to, to an ulu place called Leisure Mall. All the way there...just for kickboxing, just for PT. I whacked that bag hard and someone heard me. With just smile, it began. The end of my absolute freedom.

Honestly, it was all very innocent in the beginning..a smile, a hello, in FCI's class. And of course the jokes...I was ( and still am) laughing so hard , it's really hard to keep a serious combat face on. I really don't know what made me stand there, in HIS usual spot....but he wasn't complaining. As he keeps reminding me,it was I who made the first move. I introduced myself to him...of course by then he had already been smiling his "I'm gonna make this sale" smile at me for weeks. And the pick up line? Straight forward , to the point and it worked. So, Miracle 2006 really was the beginning of a miracle, one I never thought would happen. Yea, had given up on the whole love shebang...was perfectly happy on my own. Mana tau...now even more happy. I didn't take long for the massive phone bills to be incurred and its still being incurred.

So I guess life really is like that...ups, down, ok's, blahs...all part of it. Right now I'm happy and I'll admit it,ok.. BH has a lot to do with that. I've never been happier..so say even my closest friends and nurses at work. I'm also gonna sheepishly admit that this post is about him, my BH, my sayang ( ok, people you can stop pretending to puke). He has changed my life...I would have changed anyway, but he made it better...and right now, I'm enjoying every bit of it. Sometimes I pinch myself........ and him...just to make sure its all real and it isn't a dream. So far, he still says ouch when I do that..so I guess its real.