Shoulda Coulda Wouda

Recent circumstances have got me to thinking about what could have been and how life doesn't always work out the way we want or plan it to. Perhaps it was because of the conversation I had when KH passed me a wedding invite ( Oh boy..its wedding season again!) had stirred up some long forgotten thoughts about my own life. Who I am now, who I was before and where I'm headed now?
I always thought I'd be married by 24, but when 24 and the proposal came, I said no and moved out. Now, I wonder if I did take that path where would I be? Would I be busy, running after two kids off to the nursery instead of a facial? Would I be at home, cooking dinner instead of at the gym, working out? Would I still be plump, or God forbid obese because my gym life only began at 25. Would I have been happy with that very first of boyfriends? I have would have been saved the heartache and pain of the second, but then I wouldn't get lucky the third time and actually meet this wonderful man. I wonder.........
By now,if i had gotten married, like KH mentioned, my kids would probably be 3/4...and the first part of a family life dealt with. So by the time I'm 50, the kids would be educated, hopefully working and I could retire. But I didn't follow that path now did I? Does this mean that if I have kids now I'm not gonna be able to retire by 50? Or by 60?
This also got me to thinking...its this a set pathway of life? Grow up, get married, have kids, raise kids, retire then...keel over? And is there a set time limit after which your chances of doing any of the above expire? Though many believe there is not set pathway and we are free not to marry, not to have kids, etc..I think society still deems this as a norm and anyone who doesn't comply, isn't normal. As for the time frame, to me, its bollocks...after reading about a woman in her 60's giving birth...well..whos' to say anything, right? Life expectancy is increasing, so we are generally outliving our forefathers. But then again, heard about the 30 something who keeled over in the gym?
All said and done, the shoulda coulda wouda is still on my mind....I still wonder why back then I decided I didn't want the man, the kids, the whole shebang...was it because he was the wrong man, it was the wrong time? Or was it because it was the wrong me? The me then actually didn't want all those things. I'd like to believe it was the wrong me... I was and probably still am a bit too selfish, I want my space, and my freedom...I want my BC, my facials, my exorbitant expenses on cosmetics and skincare and clothes. And I still want to drill and fill and root canal people....but now, I'm starting to want the prams, the wailing, the cooking....I guess we can't always have what we want, not at the same time anyway.